Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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