3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
