Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
