I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Randomize
