i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
A bitchslap is in order.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
