1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Is it because I queefed?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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