i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
How external is "for external use only"?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize