all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
