just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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