On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
