If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
