the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
