FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
