I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
