its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
