Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
