i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
