So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
