If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
