my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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