the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
