Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
