Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Randomize
