I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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