I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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