so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I fill condoms, not promises.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
