So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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