The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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