I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
