yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
