I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
