I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
