3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
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