During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
