The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
