whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
