his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
