We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
