Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
