We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
