After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
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