i don't want you to think of me as your TA
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
