Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
