Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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