i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
