Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
