Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
