He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
