Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I wish there were birth control emojis
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
