Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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