For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
