Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Someone signed my nipple.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
