well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
