No awkward lesbian experiences without me
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
