There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
