some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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