Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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