you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
