At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
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