i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
