You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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